FRIDAY QUESTION: “Should I tell him that I have HIV?”

Posted: October 17, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Dear Abdul,

There’s a guy that I’ve been dating, he really likes me and I like him too. The problem is, I have HIV and I don’t know how to tell him. I’m afraid that he won’t want to continue pursuing a relationship with me if he knows my situation. I’ve tried leaving without giving an explanation, but it broke his heart. Should I tell him that I have HIV or simply walk away?


A: Jenipha, thank you for sharing. If the two of you are simply dating, it’s not necessary for you to put all of your cards on the table. What’s most important here is how far the two of you are planning to go. If this is someone that you see yourself being with long term, you must be strategic with your interactions and plan to eventually let him know what he’s dealing with. Dating is about getting to know a person’s character, and the status of your health does not define who you are as a person.

In time, whoever the person you are dating is will see you for who you are, will take steps to advance the relationship and will more than likely discover that he is willing to love you unconditionally. If he does not take steps towards building a future with you, then there’s no need to reveal your status because the possibilities of sex isn’t an option (if marriage is your standard). It would be in your best interest to have that one person who is ready, able and willing to take you as you are, commit and grow with them and eliminate the fear of having to constantly reveal your status to a bunch of random men that you’re dating.

Look for substance in a man and he will look for substance in you. Ask yourself if the man you’re currently dating is worth it. Is he worth revealing such personal information to? Is he someone you see in your future? Is he serious about you and looking to move forward? If not, keep it to yourself, stay focused on your health and happiness, and give your time to a man who is looking to grow with you simply because of who you are. Good luck.

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-Abdul Noor


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