Friday Question: “I Do Everything For Him. Why Won’t He Propose?”

Posted: October 10, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Dear Abdul,

I’ve been with this guy for 7 years, we live together, we have a child together, I cook, I clean and I’m loyal to him. He’s cheated on me a few times in the past and I forgave him, Now we are playing house and I want more! Everytime I talk about marriage, he changes the subject or doesn’t want to talk about it. I’m giving him pretty much everything that I have. I’m not getting any younger (27) and I’m getting tired of waiting. I need to know, why won’t he propose to me? Please help!

-Jessica

A: Thank you for your question. A marriage and a wedding is a dream for most women. For men, not so much. If you notice, most wedding planning is done by the bride and the groom simply funds it and can’t wait until the whole thing is over so he can get back to his simple life with a new added addition (you). The wedding and the marriage isn’t a big deal for a guy, but what is a big deal is to “whom” he’s going to make this type of investment with. In other words, a man will be more than happy to marry you if marrying you is a part of your standards and requirements. If he knows upfront that you require marriage, he’ll then be able to decide whether or not you are someone he wants to continue to invest his time, energy, effort and money into. From what you’ve described, it appears as though you have given him everything that a wife would give her husband, minus the bells and whistles (i.e. The engagement, ring, wedding and marriage). Since this wasn’t an initial requirement, he’s already programmed his mind to remain content with what you are giving him until he decides he wants something better. This is why he’s cheated a few times here and there because it’s just something to do. He doesn’t want to marry you or the women he’s cheating with. He’s simply exploring his options because he’s not sure what direction he wants to go in as a man. Now, here’s the important part. >>> Self awareness. You’ve acknowledged that you’ve given him everything and he’s not meeting your standards. The next step for you is to decide how much longer you are going to short change yourself and convince yourself that this man that you’ve given your all to is going to miraculously have a change of heart and marry you just because you’re tired of waiting. A man knows if he wants to marry a woman from day one. We’re pushing year 7-8 here. It’s time to start living and enjoying life for yourself, your daughter and your future. Don’t let your pride keep you in a relationship that you know is going absolutely nowhere. Just because you had a child together doesn’t mean you were meant to be together. Free yourself and enjoy the rest of your life in happiness, not misery.

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