A Letter to my unborn daughter!..

Posted: June 6, 2014 in Uncategorized

Dear Daughter,

It’s been six weeks, three days and ten hours since I planned to write you this letter and each time I have successfully put this off until today.

Before I continue, there are a few things you ought to know, queen amongst which is the fact that you will be born a Tanzanian as I have not been able to secure a blue or red “passport” that will make you a citizen of either the United Kingdom or the United States or any other country. Not to worry, you can still get that citizenship if your mum thinks it’s best for her to have you in any country.

I’m sorry I’ve failed you as a father and you were not born in the second tenure of presidency; I promise I’ll keep a record of all those awesome saying from H.E Mzee Ruksa “Kila kitu ruksa”. But hey, we aren’t here to talk about those moments, we are here to talk about being broke.

In Tanzania, being broke is a disease nowadays. And by being broke, I don’t mean “I do not have a single cent in my wallet to buy bread” kind of being broke. In this country, being broke goes a whole lot more than that. I’m sorry I cannot give you the exact per-capital income of our great country right now, but trust me, do not trust your economic teachers. This county’s economic realities defy all rational theories.

Bring out your stylus and start taking notes, please note this points carefully, they’ll be very useful for you.

1. Know plenty people!

I don’t care who they are, whether they are security guards or bank executives, know plenty people!

You don’t want to enter the Bank and stand in the queue for more than hour and watch someone stroll in and make a transfer before you. What if the money was meant for your husband and you know how people behave, they’ll tear you to pieces when you don’t deliver on time (even when they will rather spend two hours in front of a mirror imitating, than getting their behinds in the car and get to wherever it is they’re meant to be).

2. Take social networks with a pinch of salt

Social networks are these websites /apps that help you set seamless dates and talk rudely to your future boss because you have access to blackberry internet; they’re even referred to as the holy grail of marketing (I don’t know what that means).
As much as it helped me score some numbers of friends in my days, I must admit, it is a trap. People have been killed, revolutions have been started, and people have landed million jobs (by replying just a tweet, no interview or application). So my daughter, be very careful, and as the saying goes, “he who has ears, let him hear.”

3. Build your dreams

In this country, you either build your dreams or get hired by someone to help build theirs. But here’s the sweet point, people will pay you to build their dreams; the problem is getting to build the right dreams for the right people. Yes, there are assistants and there are assistants, you wouldn’t compare Bhakresa’s assistant with my current assistant that hasn’t been paid salary ever. Heed my words.

4. Know how to talk your way out of problems

If you ever have 99 problems, getting out of a situation should never be one of them as a human inhaling oxygen in Tanzania. In fact, there are some keywords that can get you out of any situation in Tanzania – sometimes you may have to waste saliva and you know nothing of his existence, but at other times you just have to lean back, pull out a wad of shilling notes and move on with the business of the day.

Others include, buy that bullet proof if you ever get into crowd at a rally staged by an opposition political party and I’ll guarantee you, “nothing go happen”; Buy those gas/mines blocs when you can; if everything fails, become a teacher; form a political party and sweep the country etc.

If you follow this simple process, I can guarantee you that it’ll take a while before you go bankrupt, trust me you don’t want that to happen to you.

I would like to continue, but I’m hungry and there’s no power for me to charge this device if it goes off.

Until next time,

Your dady,

Noor
Dodoma, Tanzania

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