Happy to have Abstained!!!!

Posted: October 7, 2013 in Uncategorized

Happy to have Abstained!!!!

The more a couple engages in premarital sex, the lower their chances of getting married become. This is because they will have nothing new to look forward to in marriage,” says Cathy, wife of Dickson, a good friend of mine. Mr. and Mrs. Dickson got married on 29th September, 2013 and they are proud to confess to have courted for two years without having sex. “People say it is impossible to abstain from sex before marriage but this is not true, we all have the ability to control our desires. We are not like animals that only have their instincts. If a person can abstain from things like stealing, he or she can abstain from sex before marriage as well,” she says. Dickson says they made a decision to abstain because they knew sex before marriage (fornication) is a sin and the Bible greatly condemns it. “Before I married Cathy, we were both praying from Kingdom Hall Jehovah’s Witnesses (still their place of worship) and this helped us to have the same belief about fornication,” he says. Dickson with his wife Cathy stayed together for two years without having sex until they got married. But the couple agrees that it was not easy to live to their belief, serious precautions had to be ministered. “We ensured that we avoided being alone in isolated places for a long period of time. I avoided spending nights at his place before marriage. We used to hang out a lot in public places and also socialised with friends who were courting and believed in abstinence as well,” says Cathy. And Dickson added that it was also the company they kept that helped them through. “It matters who you hang out with, you have to find friends with the same beliefs. When this happens, you will encourage each other to stick to your goal which will not leave you with room to think otherwise.” The couple also agreed that abstinence is not an easy thing to do but it pays off in the long run. “Abstinence saved us from a lot of troubles. We did not have to worry about getting STD’s, unwanted pregnancies, and other risks connected to premarital sex. This made us enjoy our relationship and focus on studying each other’s personality which is one of the most important things in a relationship,” said Dickson, “a successful marriage has got to be planned and you do this when you understand your partner’s ways. When a couple abstains, it is more likely to last because it will not only be looking at sex as a fact that bides them but will discover various other aspects apart from sex. See, there is nothing to rush for. You can have as much sex as you want after marriage.” Choosing to abstain and earning about each other’s characters first can mean that relationship flaws are revealed early. “Not all courtship results into marriage, at times you may find out that you were not meant for each other and just break up. Now if you were not abstaining and the latter happened, it will hurt you so much more than if you had,” says Cathy, “and I feel it is the woman who will hurt more because you will feel as if you have been used.” Cathy also maintains that abstience can enhance a marriage: “When you start having premarital sex, you will not look forward to marriage because you will have seen it all. This is why some people drop their spouses they have courted for years, find someone else and marry him or her in just six months,” she says. Mr and Mrs Dickson say abstinence helped them build trust in their relationship a fact that contributes a lot to a successful marriage. “The fact that we were both able to abstain makes each of us trust one another. I can be at my place of work with a piece of mind well knowing that my wife is not cheating on me. This generally makes us happy,” Dickson says. But were the couple not scared of the possibility of finding out that the spouse was impotent or barren after marriage? “Before I proposed to this beautiful lady,” Dickson says as he places his right hand on Cathy’s lap, ” I first took my time to study her, and by the time I proposed to her, finding her barren was not something I was worried about.” As for Cathy, she says she had committed everything in God’s hands. “You see, when you chose to marry a person, you swear to be with each other through thick and thin, so if I had discovered later that he had a problem, it would have been one of the hard conditions that I would have sworn to stand by,” she says. But that uncertainty is in the past. “We are one happy family; we feel we belong to one another. This is partly because we abstained. Maybe if we had not, we would have ended up marrying when one of us has a child from the previous relationship, a fact that would have affected our marriage to some extent. A child born outside marriage can bring problems, for instance you will start worrying if the wife you will marry will be able to love your child or whether your child will be able to accept your wife, something which complicates a relationship,” says Dickson. The couple believe strongly there is nothing to lose by abstaining. “When you look at most of the promiscuous couples, you will notice that they are not happy. They keep on suspecting the other party is cheating on them, or end up with STDs to treat and not to mention unplanned children. It is just not easy for them.” Cathy says. Mr and Mrs Dickson urge people who are not married to abstain from sex and to go for HIV tests before they get married. When you look at the trend of events, there is just too much material that promotes promiscuity. But remember it has consequences for many people are dying of STDs as a result of refusing to abstain from sex,” Dickson concludes.

I remain Noor


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