When Your Past Affects Your Present Relationship

Posted: July 22, 2013 in Uncategorized

When Your Past Affects Your Present Relationship

What happens when the biological father of a child you had successfully managed to foist on to another man asks for his child? This is what happened to Joyce (a good friend of mine) when her former boyfriend asked for custody of his biological son while she was in middle of a happy relationship. Joyce met Geofrey while in high school. They dated for a while and then called it off.

Later, she met Patrick, dated after which they got married. While dating Patrick, she had a fling with Geofrey and later discovered that she had conceived. She didn’t want to abort but could not stand to ose Patrick either. What made matters worse was the fact that Patrick and Joyce had never had sex before. She did everything she could to seduce Patrick but coming from a Christian background, he was always hesitant. It took her three weeks for Patrick to finally succumb to her pressures. However, in her nervousness, she told Geoffrey how she had never had sex with Patrick yet she was pregnant after a fling with Geoffrey. “I was in a panic, so I told Geoffrey. Little did I know I had committed a big mistake, which was to haunt me later,” she narrates. She went ahead, played her tricks and finally Patrick succumbed. “A few weeks later, I told him that I was pregnant,” says Joyce. He was surprised but as a gentleman, he agreed to take care of the pregnancy. Little did he know it was another man responsible for it. Two years later, Geoffrey started demanding for his son. “I could not believe it because when I told him I was pregnant he seemed not to care. I told him off but he would not give up. He even threatened a physical confrontation with Patrick.” The situation worsened. After a few sleepless nights and constant threats from Geoffrey, he stopped trying to get his son back. She later learnt that Geoffrey had died in a car accident. In our youthful years, the temptation is often strong to enjoy life to the fullest. In the process we lose moral ground, all in the name of enjoying life. We tend to forget that what we do today may ruin our future. When the wake up call soundeds, we quickly get back on our feet and begin a long journey of self-discovery.

However, our dark side may be so tainted that we do everything possible to hide it away from our partners. But somewhere along the way, hell breaks loose and your partner gets wind of your dark side and your relationship suffers.

“Honesty is a virtue in any relationship. The more honest we are with our partners the less we feel guilty about our past”. It may not be easy to tell your past to your partner but Joyce says: “Revealing the dark side in bits and parts may help. Because by the time they realize they will have heard the whole story about you with less effect.” However, “anyone who has a deep, dark, hidden secret from many years ago must think twice before sharing it with your spouse. Otherwise, you could be transferring a burden from one set of shoulders to another.” There is a thin line between being open and honest. “Confession deals with past behaviour while openness deals with present attitudes and feelings.” On the surface we are all shiny and clear, sparkling with freshness and life, but deep within us run powerful unseen currents of soul memories. While at Rugambwa Girls Secondary School, Joyce led a life no parent would ever want her child to lead. “We escaped from school, went to nightclubs, boozed our heads off and did all the things that were alien to a girls school,” she confesses. At the time, she took pride in all this. However she says: “What I forgot was that the whole world was watching.” Seven years down the road, she has pretty much changed but laments that anyone who knew her past cannot take her seriously. “What they fail to realise is that I have changed,” she laments. For this reason she changed her friends because they acted as a stumbling block in a bid to get into a decent relationship. “Every time I got into a relationship my friends discouraged the man.” Now she has a set of new friends and can never introduce her boyfriend to her former friends. She says: “Things have changed so I have to live a new independent life away from my peers because they did not have my best interests at heart.” What you do today will definitely affect you sometime in future. As you go about your affairs it is good to remember one thing; life is not lived in a single day.

Guys you can share your relationship story by writing to me on abdulnoor3@gmail.com and it will be published on this blog. All follow me on twitter as noor_abdul

  1. glory says:

    omg,the past sucks. i went thru tht also.

  2. Hamida says:

    Painful story baba watoto wa zamani

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