Staying friends with ur Ex

Posted: July 16, 2013 in Uncategorized

As hard as two exes try to stay friends, they can never really confide in each other. How do you tell your ex that you have a hot date tonight or that you and your new lover are going away on a steamy getaway? You can’t even tell your ex that the reason you’re smiling so much is because a woman has just pleasured you like never before.

You can tell her these things, but new lovers and mates are always going to be a sensitive issue. It’s even harder to tell her how hurt you were that your date stood you up the other night, thanks to your sense of pride.

Remaining friends seems to provide us with the security blanket that the person who has been in our life will still be there, and we can call on them every once in a while to find out how they are, however, we’ll never actually know how they really are.

There will always be one-sided bitterness

Since breakups are rarely one-sided, one party will always feel resentment or bitterness toward the other. Even if your ex is feigning friendship, she’s not sincerely your friend. If it seems like plans with your new potential woman are always being sabotaged, they just might be.

Jealousy comes into play

And where there’s bitterness, there’s jealousy.  And the truth of the matter is that it’s hard to be sincerely happy for your ex when she’s just found the new love of her life.

You don’t want them with anyone else

It’s human nature to be jealous or resentful when our ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if our feelings have somewhat faded. It becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped. Even for the person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes extremely painful to fathom.

Passion still exists

Even if your relationship was completely problem-ridden, chances are that the passion and sexual chemistry between the two of you still exists (unless lack of attraction was the reason for your breakup). This is a recipe for disaster because it means that every time you get together under this new “friendship” premise, the lust and passion you have makes it more likely that you’ll end up in “one more” night of unbridled “goodbye” sex, for old times’ sake. This brings you right back to square one — how you felt right after your breakup, and just when you were doing so well.

Moving on

Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you don’t want part of your past still programmed in your phone. Although it’s easier for the dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to do since it means being single again, getting back into the dating scene and no longer making that daily goodnight call you and your ex used to share.

But having that person lingering in your life as a constant reminder makes it even harder to move on with your life, meet new people and turn a fresh page. It’s almost like keeping one foot in the past, and another struggling to make it back into the pickup scene.

It also might be a better idea to leave things with pleasant memories of the other person, rather than drag the potentially doomed relationship through the mud.

In a perfect world, the ideal would be for exes to succeed at being friends, but in one where bitterness, jealousy, passion, and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought, it’s impossible. Unless the two of you were the best of friends before, both broke up on the same terms in a perfectly mutual breakup, both have no qualms about either of you seeing new people, and have both instilled a policy of total honesty, you’re better to leave the friendship behind… along with the memories.

Noor

Twitter @noor_abdul

Instagram @abdul_noor

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Comments
  1. Hamida says:

    Mhh nimekuelewa baba, kwa maana kwamba haina haja ya kukutafuta coz wewe kutafuta mtu ni kazi. Tell me

  2. Hamida says:

    Nakuelewa sana Abdul, kuandika kwako nakujua vizuri unamaanisha kitu hata kama sio kwangu lakini lazima una kitu unalenga. Hata hivyo sawa nimekuelewa. Vizuri nimejifunza mambo kadhaa kupitia blog yako. Ubarikiwe

  3. glory says:

    i always hate my Ex when it comes to break ups. eventually we can never be friends. we are done for good

  4. Abdul says:

    Before the relationship actually ceases and desists, there’s often a back and forth “break-up and make-up” ordeal that some people in broken relationships use to help bring them closure.

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