Posted: July 2, 2013 in Uncategorized


[Out of sheer paranoia I always like to do a disclaimer that these poems do not really directly reflect my own life experiences. They are inspired by a combination of my own experience, my friends’, and my general reading and observation of the world around me.]

I lay alone on the big couch in my six bed room duplex and asked myself the same questions that have been troubling my mind for years. “Abdul, Why would a girl play games with a guy as rich as you are? Why are you still single at this age? Why……. Why?” I screamed.

I have always nurtured the dream of marrying at 28, I promised myself to be faithful to my wife, be an awesome husband and great dad. Now I am 36 and I am scared if my present girlfriend will eventually end up as my wife. Why won’t I, when she does not give me all the benefits that other girls in time past gave.
My younger brother is just 30 and already has one kid. There was a day I visited him and his son shouted “Mummy, Uncle Abdul is here”. The mother secretly shut him up and said, “He is not uncle Abdul, call him big daddy”. After exchange of pleasantries, my brother jokingly said “Ndugu yangu na wewe uone maana utazaa mtoto akuite babu”

My mother would not let me rest; my father would always want to know what the problem is. All my friends are already fathers and I have always avoided going to family meetings and events because of the question of “When will you bring a wife home”. I have kept my relationship with Trecia secret because I am tired of introducing a new girl to them annually as a fiancée. I want to be sure Trecia is not one of those many girls that have disappointed me in the past.

I had my first girlfriend when I was in secondary. She was there too. She was so caring that she made it her duty to supply me breakfast and dinner. She washed my cloths and helped me in the cleaning of my room. I had concluded in my mind that she was a complete wife material until she called me up one midnight to call the relationship off. Her reason till date I do not know. Then I finished school and went somewhere in Mwanza where I met Rose, a Kurya girl.
I met Rose at club. She was a chorister and was very beautiful. My relationship with her started two weeks after we met. I have seen movies where people romance and caress each other but I experienced real life fun for the first time with Rose. The supposed god – like babe was the one teaching me different romance techniques. After two months, she moved in with me in the house I rented and took responsibility of a full house wife. She gave me all the wifely benefits from cooking to sex. She was the first girl I ever slept with and she was so shameless that she discussed it with her friends. She was a romance counselor and sex act– expert at home but a virgin in fellowship. A month to our passing out, I called the relationship off because I felt I wouldn’t be able to live with a hypocrite for the rest of my life and also because I realised she can never make me the best husband I want to be.

After service, I applied for after school training in Kampala where I met Joy a Nyankole lady. The only thing both of us shared was sex. All the time we were together, there was never a day we did not have sex. I had concluded that sex is all it is to relationship and that it is the best way to exhibit love until I caught Joy having sex with a course mate; that was the end of the relationship.

As if that was not enough, I moved back to Mwanza. I started dating Wande, the company’s accountant. Wande is not only intelligent, she is also very beautiful. Her dress sense is first class. She understands color combinations and workplace etiquette. She exposes a little part of her cleavage and her beauteous thigh for whoever cares to get a glance. “This is the unsurpassable relationship I have ever being”, I thought to myself. I sucked the exuberant, fleshy round curves on her chest with my oral fissure. I would put my head on them like pillow. With Wande, you are on top of the world. One day, after office, we both went straight to my house where we had another great round of sex. She dropped a letter and a card for me in my bedroom and left the house unannounced. The letter was a resignation letter and the card, a wedding invitation in Dar es Salaam. I cried my lungs out but Wande was gone forever.
Then I met Lonny, a single mother – A kind hearted, free spirited and gorgeous woman. The pressure at home has become intolerable, so I decided to festinate Lonny into marrying me. Our relationship started and the intimacy grew really fast. Lonny does not play with prayer. She talks about Christianity, church, God and the likes. You will think she is another Mary, the mother of Jesus. To cut the story short, Lonny became pregnant and to my utmost surprise I was told I wasn’t the father. I accepted my fate when the DNA confirmed it after the handsome baby was born.

After my quandary with Lonny, I met Linda, a half cast. We met at a miss pageant (Tabata zone). Linda as she is fondly called is a model in the day and a worshipper of model girls. I felt I could endure until she told me our relationships will never go anywhere because she is already engaged. I did not wait for another minute to call the relationship off.

I was so discouraged that I made up my mind not to go into any relationship again. I was even made to believe that there is no love these days. Till date, I have no wife and I am still very much alive, my wife has not appeared either by fire or by thunder neither have I done any wedding with a spiritual. Why are all these happening to me? I was lost in serious thought until a call from our company secretary disrupted my thoughts. “Hello bro, one miss Lizzy is here to see you”. She said. “Oh Lizzy, let her in” I replied. Lizzy is my friend, neighbor and she has always told me to visit her and her friends and her church. So, she came to invite me to the singles’ night holding at the church. I felt reluctant at first but in the end she was able to convince me.

That evening was like nothing I had ever experienced and I enjoyed the time spent in the service. At the end, I responded to the Pastor’s altar call. Lizzy would always call me to inform me about programs going on in church. After two months, I approached Lizzy for a relationship, she accepted after a month and half. Since we have been in courtship, Lizzy never entered my bedroom or my kitchen, neither does she cook in my house nor wash my cloths. She would always say, “I am not your wife yet, and until then, I won’t allow you enjoy the benefit of a husband. If you visit my house, I can cook for you but I can’t cook in your house neither will I bring food from my house to yours”

Now this is my fear, if all those girls in time past gave me husband’s benefit as Lizzy calls it and yet leave, won’t this one that does not give me at all leave soon?

Foot Note:
Marriage is not a two minute instant noodle; you need to take your time before venturing into it. The numerous house chores she does for you do not guarantee she is your wife; the different styles of sex you both have does not mean you will eventually marry her.

The “help” called wife is more precious than anything God ever made. She must be covered so deep that you need to search and search to find her. Not all these thin legged girls, who expose their big pumped tattooed boobs, stinking bum bum and tooth – pick thighs you pick on the road while driving, or the ones you meet at the club who have no future ambition. Neither is she just any girl you meet in the Church/mosque.

The scripture says, he who finds a wife, finds a good thing because your wife should help you grow in every ramification of your life – your business, career, home, personal life, spiritual life and other areas. When she comes into your life, then you have obtained favor from God. Therefore, you don’t just pick her accidentally, you have to look for her, search for her and find her.

  1. Hamida says:

    Mama yangu, Abdul wote hao na wengine hujataja maana ninaowajua ni wengi kuliko hao nisiowajua. Utaoa muda ukifika. Just remembered you X

  2. Hamida says:

    Hello mume wa zamani! I read ur story and what came to my mind was; ‘So, men suffer such fate?’ Searching for the right one (husband/wife material) can be very discouraging. But i want you to understand that, once you put your trust in God and abide by His rules, your time would come.
    Your story is similar to many others, but know that when God’s time is right and ripe for you, nothing and no one, would stand in your way.
    Men most times don’t appreciate the little things that women do. I support Lizzy. You are not yet her husband so, you don’t deserve those benefits. From your story, you and lizzy have been dating for sometime now. How come you haven’t made your intentions known to her, if you like her enough to be your wife? You should understand that the same fear you have of lizzy leaving you, she harbours same. Or, don’t you think that on her part she would feel that, you may cast her out or break up with her once she starts performing ‘wifely’ duties?
    I would suggest you put this in prayers. Ask the Lord for guidance, talk to your mama wawili and seek advice from your married friends.
    May the Lord be with you as you take a decision. It is well!

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