Guys could be it love?

Posted: May 29, 2013 in Uncategorized

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The one that will mean the world and more to you, do you just know when you meet him or her? I have always wondered what it is that suddenly makes a total stranger become the one person you share all your dreams, secrets and thoughts with. Could it be love, or something else? How do you tell the difference?

What do they do that makes them so important and crucial to your well being, sanity and happiness? When I hear of people who run mad after being jilted, I wonder what kind of love it was that could be that strong, I wonder how you can love someone so much that your staying sane depends on them. When I hear of people who commit suicide I wonder how someone could mean so much to you that you feel your life shouldn’t go on without them. For anyone who has experienced heartbreak, you would know that feeling of emptiness that envelopes you, the almost physical pain that you feel in your heart, the lump in your throat that feels like it would never dissolve, your smile fades away, your sleep becomes troubled and restless, and your dreams full of despair. For most people they pull through and move on but there are some who almost never recover, some who their lives change forever for the worse. For those who move on, they get to meet someone else and could say they “fell in love” again. Here in lies what puzzles me, you were once in a relationship where you thought you loved somebody so much that when they were unhappy with you your life stops, somehow the relationship ends and you meet someone else and then you say you are no longer in love with the former person, I keep wondering that if you loved the first person truly how come you can stop loving them?

Is it just that we sometimes think we are in love when we are really not in love? What we call love, is it not just a selfish feeling of our heart warming towards somebody who seem to fulfill our desires to be appreciated and cared for? Is it not sometimes just lust? What we call love, is it not just a feeling of possessiveness towards a fellow human being?

The love defined in our religions book (Quran and Bible), how many places can we find such? if you profess to love someone, how then can you bring yourself to maim, hurt or kill the person all because they rejected you? When someone is rejected and runs mad or becomes disorganized for the rest of their life, is it because they love the one that no longer “belongs to them”? Could it just be because as human beings we hate rejection and failure? For those that run mad, can we say that there was already a predisposition to mental imbalance in them and the feeling of failure and rejection just brought the mental issues to the fore. If we try to search our hearts, that person we profess to love, is it really love?

Love is one of the greatest feelings in the whole world, but it is also one of the most misused and misunderstood words in the world. 1stCorinthians defines love in it’s entirety and I believe it is a great guide to knowing the difference between love and it’s look alike.

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrong but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, endures all things. 1st Corinthians 4-7

If we go by the definition/description above, a lot of people will realize that the feeling we refer to as love is most times not love.

From the above, we can deduce/conclude that;

  1. When someone you love succeeds, you will feel genuine happiness for them, even if things are not working for you personally, you will be excited for them, you would not feel any jealousy or envy, you will see their success as your success.
  2. When you love someone, there is nothing they do that will irritate you, you will feel no resentment because you keep no record of wrongdoing, when they wrong you, you will point it out immediately, and it ends there.
  3. When you love someone, you would be ready to go through hard times with them, you would bear and feel their pains, you would endure hardship with them and stand by them in times of despair and sorrow.
  4. When you love someone you would trust them completely, Love, some says believes all things, there will be trust in your heart, you would have faith in them.
  5. Love is not rude or arrogant so you would never put down someone you love either publicly or privately, you would never have a superior feeling towards someone you love, you would never harm someone you love no matter what happens.
  6. Love is not selfish, it doesn’t insist on its own way, when you love someone you would be ready to make sacrifices and compromises for them.
  7. Finally, love never ends, so if you truly love someone, you will never ever stop loving them. No matter what happens, you would still love them. Our world today is filled with cliches such as “I used to love him/her”, I am no longer in love with him/her” Based on the scripture above, it could never have been love, if it was love, it would never end.

Can we then say that love is a feeling? I am not sure but I know it is not just a feeling but an action that would be why it is classified as a verb in English language. You could say you love someone but your actions may show otherwise. If you say you love someone but you do not act out the things stated in passage above, it is most likely not love. We also mistake sexual attraction for love, I do believe however that it is important to be attracted to your partner but more importantly it is better to love the individual. I also believe that love is a decision that you make. I believe you make a conscious decision to show love, be it to your spouse/partner or your family, friends and neighbors and the whole world at large.

Conclusively, if it causes pain (both physical and emotional), brings confusion and your spirit rebels against it, it is most likely not love. Also, it is not fair that love should be one-sided so whatever we do, we should make sure for the sake of our future well-being and happiness that whoever we choose to love is someone that would reciprocate and that is another reason other says we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, I would like to believe that since love is one of the fruits of the spirit, it will be something a true partner (the emphasis being on the word “true”) will have in abundance. That then raises the question of how to know a true partner? May God help us.

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